What do you think of when you think of the word intimate?

When we get married every one of us dreams of having a deeply intimate relationship with our spouse. The problem is that each of us thinks of intimacy differently. This book is about deepening our level of intimacy that is ultimately expressed in our sexuality.

Using the Song of Solomon as the foundation to build on this book is a commentary. This book takes us through the whole relationship from dating, to marriage, to married life, to old age. For those that are looking for a way to improve the intimacy in their marriage and come to a better understanding of why the sexual relationship is not only important but often reflect the health of the marriage itself this will inspire you to grow together.

God expects us to be servant lovers having a hot, passionate, intense love so that nothing will be able to extinguish it. It all starts with an attitude of the heart. The need to put our spouses needs and desires before our own is critical to a developing the depth of intimacy that God desires for us. 

What is your focus when you look at yourself and your spouse?  Do you look for the positive images or the negative images? It is important to remember that each of us was fearfully and wonderfully made in our mother’s womb according to Psalm 139. Never underestimate the power of praise for your spouse. They need your affirmation more than anyone else in their life. This helps us to be ready to be naked and unashamed together.

Building this foundation always comes with putting our spouse first and that includes placing our relationship before our children or anyone else. Our priorities are defined by our time and our heart and reflect what is really important to us. it is not about finding time for the people and what is important to us but making the time.

This book does a great job of looking at the differences between men and women and how that impacts the intimacy level of our sexual relationship. Each gender needs to understand the other so that they can meet the specific needs of their spouse. A husband needs to spend time in verbal communication with his wife for her to feel emotionally safe and valuable. A woman needs to understand her husbands need for respect and has value.

A man’s value often comes from his work and his woman.  His wife is communicating “I support you” or “I am competing with you”  with her words and actions.

As you read through this book it will help you understand the importance of intimacy to your marriage and why your sexual relationship is vital to your marriage. Taking a look at the way Solomon and his bride admire, uplift and serve one another will inspire you to do the same for your spouse. It will also help you see why and exclusive relationship with your spouse is the way God designed it to bring blessings to your life.

If you want a great relationship with your spouse and desire to see your level of intimacy grow you won’t want to miss the opportunity to read this book.


Notes


We are called to be servant lovers

God wants married couples to have a love so hot, so passionate, so intense that nothing will be able to extinguish it, and He knows the key for such love is becoming servant lovers to each other.

Being a servant lover is an attitude of the heart

Nothing halts lovemaking faster than shifting your focus from your spouse’s intimate advances to your own insecurities

What do you focus on? Positive or negative images

  • Husband
  • Own body

We were all fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139

Never underestimate the power of praise

God intended for the relationship between a husband and a wife to be the place where they can be “naked and unashamed”

When a husband and wife make love the goal should be to please one another

We serve our kids best when the marriage is the first priority

Priorities are determined by our time, heart distribution

  • It isn’t about finding time, it is about making time

Emotional safety is the one quality upon which all the other qualities we desire in a relationship – intimacy, openness, and passion –depend

Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husband

A servant lover understands his wife’s need to communicate with him and that regular verbal communications is necessary for her to feel loved and emotionally safe

Your husband craves your respect

  • He needs to know he is important and that he has value

A man’s view of himself will come from two sources, his work and his woman

  • Esteem your husband in public

A wife’s words and actions communicate to her husband either “I support you” or “I compete with you”

Your husband wants you to desire him

Our wedding vows were a promise of “commitment” not of “contentment”

When we get married we are expected to offer our body as a gift to our spouse

  • Giving authority means also giving it exclusively

More marriages die from selfishness than any other reason

  • Selfishness is the enemy of intimacy
  • Servant lovers are givers
    • Regard their spouses as more important than themselves
  • Servant lovers are forgivers