12/19/2013 6:08:43 AM
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
Posted under: Roy
Since we are currently #1 for snow fall this year I thought I would share a fun piece I found a couple years ago. Enjoy...
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
- December 8 at 6:00 P.M. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I sat for hours watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow.
- December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect time.
- December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. What a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry and that we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful. Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter that we’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
- December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Got 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to minus 20F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
- December 15: Twenty inches more are forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked up on milk and bread and extra food for the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska after all.
- December 16: We were hit with an ice storm this morning. I fell on my rear on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Man that hurt. The wife laughed for an hour and I thought this was very cruel.
- December 17: Temperature still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. I had to pile on the blankets to stay warm. I had nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but I won’t admit it to her. I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
- December20: The power came back on., but we had another 14 inches of that stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Doggone snowplow came by twice. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower but, they’re out. Might have another shipment in sometime in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
- December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out and shovel and then I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.
- December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it did warm up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she? Nuts??? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She said she did but, I think she’s lying.
- December 24: Another 6" snow. Packed so hard by the snowplow I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through this snow by his frozen nose. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open presents, but I was busy watching for that evil snowplow.
- December 25: Guess what? Twenty more inches of that white…YOU KNOW WHAT tonight. Snowed in! The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s insane. If I have to watch "It’s A Wonderful Life" one more time, I’m going to kill her.
- December 26: Still snowed in. Why the devil did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
- December 27: Temperature dropped to 30-below and the pipes froze.
- December 28: Warmed up to a high of 15-below. Still snowed in. It’s driving me crazy.
- December 29: Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
- December 30: Roof caved in. The snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother. Nine inches predicted.
- December31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
- January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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